My pregnancy news came as a result of a test done for some other reason. And I was purely ecstatic while my husband took his own sweet time in believing
the test results and then when he finally did, he was as excited as I was Alhumdulilah.
I had seen 4 nieces and nephews grow up in front of my eyes so I had a pretty good idea that it isn't exactly a piece of cake raising kids and so I was mentally prepared for what's coming my way regarding the baby at least.
i had read about post partum depression, had seen cases of such people within my close circle and all had the same story ' we resented the new addition, the constant crying, feeding, sleepless nights, loss of identity as an individual and adopting just a single role that of a mommy was getting to us'. I used to think that I have enough control over my mind and brain to waive off such a disease so I can't possibly fall victim to ppd. Time proved me wrong. There is no such thing as mind control which can ward off depression which messes with your mind in ways a neutral person can't ever comprehend. However, no one told me that ppd can take another form as well where instead of resenting your baby you rely solely on him/her for your peace of mind.
His/her constant crying doesn't irritate your rather when their sobs subside in your arms you feel loved and needed.
I remember running back to my room to cry at odd times and for no reason whatsoever. I had a family wedding in my in-laws in those days so unlike the usual days I was surrounded by people 24/7 and my husband (at that time unaware of what ppd actually is) started to get wary of my repeated mood swings and constant crying. So the feeling of being alone in a crowd best described what I felt and this is what no one talks about regarding depression - the feeling of loneliness and utter hopelessness. There were days when I just wanted to call it quits and run away from everything but then one look at that innocent face staring at me would melt my heart and I would realize she needs me more than I need escape. What no one told me about ppd was that my baby would be my sole comfort, her being away from me would make me lose whatever little peace of mind I was left with, even her being in another room would suddenly engulf me in a feeling of loneliness. If there is one person who helped me overcome my ppd then it was her.
The thing about depression is that no one or at least I never had the courage to confide in anyone about what goes on in my mind, trail of thoughts and the constant raging battle in my mind was something no one would understand. Communicating those thoughts to anyone would have backfired so bad because of all the judgements i would have received in reaction. Our society does not accept depression as a problem and as a result our families and friends give us unsolicited advices like 'busy yourself in some activity, ' join a gym', 'start socializing more' etc etc. All these advices mean well but what no one understands is that it may make one feel better for a while but the problem lingers. The worse thing to do with a person suffering from depression is to make them feel bad about their thoughts or constantly criticising them for being negative, unhappy, ungrateful and a list of other such adjectives. it just pushes them deeper into negativity.
Family and friends support is crucial and most importantly in ppd the support of your spouse can do wonders. I really wish that our medical institutes and hospitals discuss ppd in pre-natal sessions, brief and prepare husbands for whats coming their way and assure the to-be mothers that it will be okay.....eventually.
So all those beautiful mommies who are suffering from ppd hang in there, get medical help if you feel it's too much to handle and take out time for yourself to do something you enjoy. And all the new daddies please read up on ppd, be there for your wives and be their support. This phase is temporary but your support and understanding in these days may strengthen your bond for life.
