Sunday, 25 September 2011

Romance in Islam - lecture by Abdur Raheem Green

for my married and to-be married readers I am posting a summarized version of the sermon and workshop held in Karachi by Shaikh Abdur Raheem Green who made this session possible by conducting it live from portugal.  The credits for the summarized version below goes to Aly Balagamwala.

  • And among His signs is that He created for you mates from among yourselves ... 30:21
  • The real love story: the Prophet (SAW) said (about Khadija RA): "verily I was filled with affection for her"
  • "Religion of Islam has been given to us by Allah to fulfill our needs" but cultures have corrupted our understanding of needs
  • it is very important we inculcate the values of #Islam rather than those of the Hollywood/Bollywood culture in our relationships
  • marriage in some Muslim countries unfortunately is forced even if not physical force then emotional coercion which is not appropriate in Islam
  • the ideals that are held in west today of romance, stemmed from similar conditions of loveless marriages in europe during middle ages
  • Prophet (SAW) said: "choose what please you" this is in terms of physical and emotional connection.
  • Marriage is the sunnah of the Prophet (SAW) and he forbade monaticism. Prophet (SAW) said marriage is half of deen
  • Marriage leads us to fulfill our fundamental needs both physical & emotional
  • Shaytan wants to take you to extremes. Either makes you loveless & unromantic or to make us obsessed with love & romance (Casanova). Islam teaches the middle path b/w these two extremes.
  • Prophet (SAW) "I do not lv for the men of my ummah a greater fitnah (test) than women"
  • Allah (SWT) has given a beautiful analogy "they are a garment for you & you are a garment for them". They r ur need & also pleasure.
  • The right groom "If somebody comes to you & you are please with his character&religion then marry him. If you don't there will be discord on earth & widespread corruption"
  • the right wife "A woman is married for 4 reasons: beauty,money,lineage,religion. Marry the one with religion & u shall be blessed
  • Marriage is the foundation of society. It is one of the important things for which Shariah exists is to protect this foundation
  • Allah (SWT) not only prohibits Zina He says "Do not come near Zina" so we should close all doors that lead to zina.
  • Islam discourages free mingling of sexes, recommends Hijab for both sexes.
  • relationship of Prophet (SAW) was very open. He & Ayesha (RA) used to take ghusl together yet some cultures prohibit spouses to see each other unclothed. How can that be sunnah?
  • being exposed to nakedness & sex on screens etc, which is artificial makes us see our spouses as not good enough and ultimately corrupting us.
  • "O young men marry young as it helps you to lower your gaze & guard your private parts" Prophet (SAW)
  • Romance in Islam is only the Romance b/w the husband & wife
  • who do you love most in this world" Prophet (SAW) was asked. He replied "Ayesha". The companion said "no from the men in the world", He (SAW) said: "her father". He didn't say Abu Bakr but her father which signifies his linking love of Abubakr with his wife
  • Prophet (SAW) used to race with Ayesha (RA) to answer the door. He also raced against her once & lost then a few yrs later beat her and reminded her "this is for the earlier one"
  • when Prophet (SAW) was home he concentrated on his family and "did not bring work home". He would give attention to his wives
  • when the call for prayer came, he (SAW) would leave his family & go to masjid. But before he left he would kiss his wife.
  • there is evidence from sunnah where Prophet (SAW) would argue with his wives. He didn't say "who are you to argue with me I'm the Prophet" - husbands should learn from this, he is not the absolute word for there was no one whose word was more absolute than Prophet (SAW)
  • a man came to Umar (RA) to complain about his wife's nagging. He came to his house & Umar was outside & his wife was screaming at him. So he turned around. Umar asked him why? He said you have it worse than me. :)
  • The Prophet (SAW) never raised his hand on his wives. The most extreme he did was tap Ayesha (RA) on her wrist w/ his miswaak
  • the Prophet (SAW) used to take care of his own housework & help his wives with household duties
  • Being romantic means Prophet (SAW) giving in to his wives wishes on small things but not to sacrifice on principles.
  • A wife is not allowed to refuse her husband physical relations but a husband is not allowed to force himself on her physically
  • wife should adorn herself for husband, not allow strangers in the house, take care of his affairs etc

Question: "You hv mentioned the man's responsibilities what about the women's"
Answer: "most men think of their marital responsibilities as being the physical provider. That is rubbish. Part of man's job is to provide emotionally also. Sunnah gives very little on women's duties as the onus falls on men."

Question:"Besides dua how do we get our husbands to practice islam more"
Answer:"if u really wanted ur husband to buy u something what would u do? Cook him a good meal, being nice to him, etc. Use the same technique"

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