As globalization takes over, distances become irrelevant and communication mediums increase at alarming rates, we as a race seem to forgo empathy and sensitivity. Somehow, everything has become a battlefield where each one of us is trying to engage in competition unfortunately, an unhealthy one. From my personal experience I have penned down some pointers which we all can benefit from when talking to people who have just gone through the loss of a loved one especially the loss of a child.
1. Don't ask them to stop crying. It's involuntary. They can't help it. Let them cry for at least a few days until they get a hold of themselves. For some, crying in public or in front of anyone can be a matter of immense embarrassment so when such people cry , cry with them. It makes them feel less of an alien.
2. Please don't tell them stories of your uncle's niece's cousin's neighbor's friend who went through a similar tragedy. Grieving parents do not want comparisons. They just want to mourn their loss. Let them. Comparing their tragedy to others just makes them feel worse and they clam up.
3. When you get to know about their loss and have no idea what to say next then try if you can to make small talk but don't change topics by using statements like ''and what else is happening in your life?''. It gives an indication that your tragic loss is insignificant for them and that, my friends is the worse you can do to them.
4. Don't try to relate their loss to yours. Don't compare the loss of a mother who gave birth, held her child, fed her child, dressed and changed her child and then lost her child with that of a miscarriage. Not trying to undermine the pain of those who miscarried but please don't compare. Losing a child in the womb or losing them in your arms, both are painful but try not to put a value of pain to each. You and I both ache but maybe we ache differently.
5. Please don't complain about why they weren't informed. It's not a marriage invitation which one should expect and can get offended over not being sent one. Grieving parents do not exactly consider it a priority to console you on why you did not get a formal message regarding the demise of their child.
Maybe somewhere in my life I have done one of the above myself but now that I am going through the pain myself, I sincerely pray that if in my ignorance I caused pain to someone while they were already in grief then may they find it in their hearts to forgive me.
1. Don't ask them to stop crying. It's involuntary. They can't help it. Let them cry for at least a few days until they get a hold of themselves. For some, crying in public or in front of anyone can be a matter of immense embarrassment so when such people cry , cry with them. It makes them feel less of an alien.
2. Please don't tell them stories of your uncle's niece's cousin's neighbor's friend who went through a similar tragedy. Grieving parents do not want comparisons. They just want to mourn their loss. Let them. Comparing their tragedy to others just makes them feel worse and they clam up.
3. When you get to know about their loss and have no idea what to say next then try if you can to make small talk but don't change topics by using statements like ''and what else is happening in your life?''. It gives an indication that your tragic loss is insignificant for them and that, my friends is the worse you can do to them.
4. Don't try to relate their loss to yours. Don't compare the loss of a mother who gave birth, held her child, fed her child, dressed and changed her child and then lost her child with that of a miscarriage. Not trying to undermine the pain of those who miscarried but please don't compare. Losing a child in the womb or losing them in your arms, both are painful but try not to put a value of pain to each. You and I both ache but maybe we ache differently.
5. Please don't complain about why they weren't informed. It's not a marriage invitation which one should expect and can get offended over not being sent one. Grieving parents do not exactly consider it a priority to console you on why you did not get a formal message regarding the demise of their child.
Maybe somewhere in my life I have done one of the above myself but now that I am going through the pain myself, I sincerely pray that if in my ignorance I caused pain to someone while they were already in grief then may they find it in their hearts to forgive me.
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